after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
