Cold hands, warm shart.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
