woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We left the knife in your bed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
