My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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