The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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