Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
