In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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