It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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