The maid of honor just puked.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
