We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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