All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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