operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
