I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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