Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
