I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
