He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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