you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
They are going to name an STD after you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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