you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
