We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
