What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
