I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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