Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Randomize
