I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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