Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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