I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
