Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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