I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I am one with the molecules
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
