Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
