i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
