Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
