Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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