Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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