no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
