It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
