Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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