when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
