Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
