Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just found puke in my bra..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
