you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We need to get me chipped asap
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
