We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
