as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
