Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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