His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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