I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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