This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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