Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you inspire me to be a worse person
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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