ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
