He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
