If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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