One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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