so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
honey bunches of taint.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
