I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
