Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
