after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
