Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Randomize
