Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize