Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
