Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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