Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
