i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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