I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
