Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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