You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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