Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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