lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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