I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
