there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
